Written
by Uyoyou Christiana Charles-Iyoha
It takes time to build a relationship but most often, people
do not invest in maintaining a relationship. However, relationships like
engines are meant to be oiled and serviced. Conflicts also arise in the process
of maintaining a relationship.
Problems arise in relationships when needs are not being met
and by the way, needs vary. There are spiritual needs, physical needs, emotional
needs for affirmation, financial needs, material needs and a number of other
needs. Even in Church, people come to Church to have their needs met and when
their needs are not met, they bicker. Problems then are a wakeup call to the
fact that needs are not being met in a relationship.
Ways to Maintain Relationships
Effective Communication – communicate your needs at all
times. Do not take it for granted that the other person can read your thoughts.
State your needs point blank so that your partner, friends or family members
understand what your needs are. However, you also need to know and understand
whether the persons concerned have the capacity to meet your needs. If they do
not, then do not put pressure on them to give what they lack the capacity to
provide. You may be shocked that some people lack the capacity to provide even
spiritual and emotional support which ironically they drain from other people.
They take it for granted that other people will always be there for them. They
may not be selfish or wicked. They just lack the capacity to do so. Do not
begrudge them.
As much as possible, avoid judgmental statements as they
inflict pain. You can prayerfully and lovingly communicate the situation
without inflicting pain. It is great to speak plain language so that you can
easily clarify issues. It is not a village meeting especially in some parts of
Africa where the elders speak in hard to understand proverbs which may further
becloud the issue.
Avoid the blame game – honing on and magnifying other
people’s mistakes to humiliate them. There are people who are endless
faultfinders and who blame everything on other people. They never admit their
mistakes. Learn to take responsibility first. Nobody in a relationship wants to
be told that they are not good. Rather, take responsibility and resolve issues.
Stop blaming other people and situations. While constructive criticisms are
welcome in a relationship especially the ones which bring out the positive in
peoples’ lives, it is instructive to not argue to win. Be tolerant enough to
listen to the other person.
Make it a habit to always add value to the relationships in
your life.
Treat everyone you
meet and relate with; with utmost respect. Everyone including you and I like to
be respected. So why not do unto others as you would have others do unto you?
Keep relationships
burning with SMSes, emails and calls which show concern about people – how they
are; how certain situations and events in their environment impact them. Share
good news about opportunities with people. This shows that you genuinely care
about people, especially so the people God sends to be part of your life.
As much as possible,
refuse to use people by taking advantage of people. You only call them when you
need assistance from them and to make matters worse, you ask questions you
should routinely have asked if you were communicating with them for
relationship sake and not to collect what you think they owe and which they do
not owe you at all. People see through such gimmicks and the impatient and
intolerant just ignore you. Why?
It is true that family and Church members as well as friends
should stick with you through good and bad times. However, it is very significant
and instructive to note that friendship is not for manipulating people – it is
not santaclaus. LIVE AND LET LIVE.
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