Saturday, November 30, 2019

Build Bridges - The Power of Relationships 3


Written by Uyoyou Christiana Charles-Iyoha


It takes time to build a relationship but most often, people do not invest in maintaining a relationship. However, relationships like engines are meant to be oiled and serviced. Conflicts also arise in the process of maintaining a relationship.

Problems arise in relationships when needs are not being met and by the way, needs vary. There are spiritual needs, physical needs, emotional needs for affirmation, financial needs, material needs and a number of other needs. Even in Church, people come to Church to have their needs met and when their needs are not met, they bicker. Problems then are a wakeup call to the fact that needs are not being met in a relationship.

Ways to Maintain Relationships

Effective Communication – communicate your needs at all times. Do not take it for granted that the other person can read your thoughts. State your needs point blank so that your partner, friends or family members understand what your needs are. However, you also need to know and understand whether the persons concerned have the capacity to meet your needs. If they do not, then do not put pressure on them to give what they lack the capacity to provide. You may be shocked that some people lack the capacity to provide even spiritual and emotional support which ironically they drain from other people. They take it for granted that other people will always be there for them. They may not be selfish or wicked. They just lack the capacity to do so. Do not begrudge them.

As much as possible, avoid judgmental statements as they inflict pain. You can prayerfully and lovingly communicate the situation without inflicting pain. It is great to speak plain language so that you can easily clarify issues. It is not a village meeting especially in some parts of Africa where the elders speak in hard to understand proverbs which may further becloud the issue.

Avoid the blame game – honing on and magnifying other people’s mistakes to humiliate them. There are people who are endless faultfinders and who blame everything on other people. They never admit their mistakes. Learn to take responsibility first. Nobody in a relationship wants to be told that they are not good. Rather, take responsibility and resolve issues. Stop blaming other people and situations. While constructive criticisms are welcome in a relationship especially the ones which bring out the positive in peoples’ lives, it is instructive to not argue to win. Be tolerant enough to listen to the other person.

Make it a habit to always add value to the relationships in your life.



Treat everyone you meet and relate with; with utmost respect. Everyone including you and I like to be respected. So why not do unto others as you would have others do unto you?

Keep relationships burning with SMSes, emails and calls which show concern about people – how they are; how certain situations and events in their environment impact them. Share good news about opportunities with people. This shows that you genuinely care about people, especially so the people God sends to be part of your life.

As much as possible, refuse to use people by taking advantage of people. You only call them when you need assistance from them and to make matters worse, you ask questions you should routinely have asked if you were communicating with them for relationship sake and not to collect what you think they owe and which they do not owe you at all. People see through such gimmicks and the impatient and intolerant just ignore you. Why?

It is true that family and Church members as well as friends should stick with you through good and bad times. However, it is very significant and instructive to note that friendship is not for manipulating people – it is not santaclaus. LIVE AND LET LIVE.


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